O.I.F. or oif

I would like to create a hip, new acronym. It's called, "OIF." It stands for, "Oops, I farted." You can either say each letter out loud or say it as a word. Either way, it sounds cool. "O.I.F." or "oif." They both work.

It's very handy, too. If you just let a silent one go, you just say, "OIF!" It's a polite way to let people know around you that they should vacate the premises as quickly as possible. It's short and to the point. "Hey man, I just let one go. You might want to clear the area," is way too long. By the time you say that, anyone within hearing distance is probably already immersed in your stink bomb.

O.I.F. also allows us to take onus over our farts, too. Too many people just let one go and try to blame it on someone else or act as if nothing happened. That's a sad statement on society. People! Just claim what's yours already. I, for one, am proud of my farts. If I can lay claim to it, I will. I will oif every fart I can: silent, loud, wet or dry. Doesn't matter. If it's mine, I am going to say, "OIF!"

I can only dream of the day when I walk down the street and hear someone say, "Dammit, at least give me a courtesy oif next time!" That is the day when I know I can finally die peacefully.